by Steve Murrell

WARNING: Long blog.

This was originally written for Evangelicals Today mag, about 16 yrs ago. Since then it has been hidden deep in my archive file (random thoughts), along with piles of other ancient smurrell.com documents and occasionally re-posted around Christmas time. Thought some of you, especially those with small children, might find it helpful this time of the year…

’Twas the night before Christmas, and the scene of the crime was Savannah, Georgia. The year was 1989. William was three and a half. James was one and a half. Jonathan was

still inside trying to kick his way out.

This was the year William realized that Christmas meant gifts. He knew that at my in-laws’ house, the gifts are divided into piles. All those that say “To William” are put in a pile together. All the “To James” gifts are put together. Once all the gifts have been put in the right pile, they are opened one at a time beginning with the youngest and continuing to the oldest. This meant that James was first, then William, then older cousins, uncles and aunts, then Mom, Dad, and finally, grandparents.

We had attempted to teach our boys the true meaning of Christmas. We had recited the story of the incarnation over and over. We didn’t expect much from James, but we assumed that William understood that it was better to give than to receive. After all, Jesus was born because God so loved the world that He gave . . . That’s what Christmas is all about—giving.

What happened that night let us know that our children had completely missed the point, and that we had to adjust the way we would celebrate Christmas in the future.

All William wanted for Christmas that year was a bow and arrow. His little mind was made up. He knew what he wanted and he would not be denied. He prayed to God for it, and just to be sure, he pleaded to us for it.

One day, to make sure I understood his request, he said, “Daddy, I want real arrows.”

“Real arrows?” I asked, wondering what kind of damage a three-year old would do with real arrows.

“Yeah, you know the kind with the red rubber things on the end. Real ones, not just toys.” He was serious about this. “You mean the kind that sticks to windows if you lick ’em before shooting?” I responded, hoping I knew what he meant by real ones.

“Yeah! Like in Toys-R-Us.”

Back to the Christmas Eve crime scene in Georgia.  Here’s what happened. James was first to open his gifts. Like all 18 month olds, he was more impressed with the colorful boxes and ribbons than with the contents.

Then came William’s turn. As James continued to play with bows and boxes, William anxiously ripped through his first gift in world-record time. He completely ignored the contents and immediately tore into the next one. (At least James played with the boxes.) He only got the wrapping paper half way off this one before tossing it aside and grabbing the next one.

Deborah and I discerned that something was wrong here. “William, maybe you should say thanks and at least act like you appreciate these gifts. What’s wrong with you?”

On the verge of tears, he said, “I thought I would get a bow and arrow, with real arrows. That’s all I wanted, and I didn’t get it. I got all this other stuff instead.”

He did get a bow with real (rubber-tipped) arrows, but it was buried under a mountain of shredded green and red wrapping paper.

That was quite a memorable and frustrating Christmas for us. We knew something was wrong, but we weren’t sure just how to fix it.

A few months later, I read a book that described the scene you just read about, only it was happening in another city to another family with small kids. It was sure comforting to know that our experience was not unique. Right now, I can’t seem to remember the name of the book or the author. Anyway, this guy in the book not only had the same problem, but he had identified the root of the problem and had come up with the solution. It was so simple. It opened our eyes and changed the way we have approached Christmas since the disaster of ’89.

On that fateful Christmas Eve I described above, William was upset (and a bit ungrateful) because he thought he didn’t get a bow with real arrows. The root of the problem is in the word “get.” His focus was on what he would get. We will always have a problem when we focus on what we get. Christmas (and life) is all about giving, not getting. The greatest joy in fulfillment comes as we give.

The guy in the book solved the problem by putting the emphasis on what each child was to give, not on what they were to get. We adopted that idea, and it has served us well.  In 1989, we asked William what he wanted to get for Christmas. He wanted to get a bow with real arrows. Christmas Eve came around. It was William’s turn to open gifts. All he could think about was what he would get. He was totally oblivious to what others were getting and to what others had given. We had helped him miss the whole point.

From then on, rather than asking our children what they want to get, we ask them what they want to give – their brothers, their relatives, and friends. For the weeks building up to Christmas, our children are focused on what they will give rather than what they will get.

Now, when gift opening time comes at the Murrell house, we put all William’s gifts in a pile, all James’ in a pile, all Jonathan’s in a pile. We separate Mom’s and Dad’s into piles of their own.

In William’s pile are all the gifts that say “From William” on the tag. In James’s pile are all those that say “From James.” The “From Jonathan” gifts are in another pile, as are the “From Mom” and the “From Dad.”

Once all the gifts are in the piles, each person can now take his turn to give all his gifts. This way, the focus is on giving rather than getting. Over the next few years our boys learned to be just as excited about giving as getting.
They have discovered that it really can be more blessed to give than to receive.

by Garry Senna

God is simply very very Good. I had a wonderful experience this morning. I was able to take a Sunday off from work and run the California International Marathon in Sacramento. A marathon is a 26.2 mile run that people who are, how can I say this, not all there mentally, they choose to train for and then attempt to finish along with 10,000 other people. Lining up with all these people at the starting line in 35 degree, foggy, and, did I mention cold conditions. As we started my Ipod playlist was playing Chris Tomlin’s version of Amazing Grace; here is how it starts;

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
T’was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed”

I started this race surrounded naturally with 10,000 people, and, yet I seemed enveloped in a canopy of God’s whispering voice to me saying that His Grace has been extended in a new and fresh way over this past season of my life and over the life of the Church. I actually started to cry as I ran the first mile thinking of how Good God has been to me.

This thought carried me to a wonderful first 15 miles and then I realized what I was doing, and how cold I was, and, the balance of the run became – well a marathon. I think the reason I have run three marathons is for the emotions you go through during the run. To quote Dan Fogelberg “Joy at the start, fear in the journey, joy at the coming home” a 26.2 mile run always brings me through a wide spectrum of emotions – in a relatively short amount of time.

The one truth I finished with today (yes I did finish) is that as it is with life, God’s amazing Grace at times allows us to enjoy the circumstances in life, and, at times God’s amazing Grace allows us to endure the circumstances in life.

My hope and prayer for you as you read this is that you would pause, even for a second, and reflect upon the Grace of God in your life and how Good He is to you.

Garry Senna is a husband, father, pastor and police chaplain. He is the senior pastor of Harvest Valley Christian Church.

by Myra Watkins

When I was preparing to speak on the topic of marriage recently, I searched for the right image to portray common difficulties and the need to develop a lifestyle of forgiveness, healthy communication and showing love towards one another in practical ways that can be felt. Then this image of the wall came to mind.

This scenario often happens in marriage: The wife feels misunderstood by her husband, so she lays down a brick between them. The husband thinks she doesn’t show him respect, so he lays down a brick. She tries to pour out her heart to him, but he is headed out the door and doesn’t have time. Another brick. Burnt toast in the morning, another brick in the wall. Sometimes a wall is erected overnight when there is major trauma in a marriage, such as abuse or an affair. But there may be a small window left through which the two of them communicate civilly day in and day out. An occasional arrow is shot through the small opening, but the two of them continue to go through the motions of life on each side. They may even pray and serve others in many ways. The veneer of relationship remains while they deny or minimize the presence of the wall which stands between them.

Enter God’s plan for marriage. There is no relationship like it on earth, that is why the battle rages hot and strong to ruin this powerful, precious, most intimate of all earthly relationships. It is meant to represent the relationship between Christ and His church, providing a loving model for generations. When a couple settles for a marriage that is barely alive, then the damage reaches far beyond the hollowness of their own lives. Many people don’t believe they can find that place of closeness and love again. Like a driver who keeps running into trees and gets a new car thinking that will solve the problem, people often leave a relationship when difficulties arise only to run into the same problems again. Problems in relationships don’t solve themselves, healthy relationships can be learned.

Love is wasted on saints, love was meant for sinners (Mike Mason, “The Mystery of Marriage”). Marriage puts two people in the vice grip of love where feelings alone are not enough. The need for unconditional love, God’s love is apparent. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Cor. 13:4-6)

Do you sense a wall in your relationship?
Here are a few ways to tear down the wall and build a stronger marriage:

1. Grow in forgiveness
2. Learn to respond instead of react
3. Choose “we” over “me” when making decisions
4. Create boundaries to protect your relationship in place of walls that divide
5. Have a date night, coffee, lunch, or whatever works with your schedule
6. Talk and pray through issues and concerns periodically, but not on your date!
7. Learn the love language of your spouse (gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, touch, quality time) – Gary Chapman
8. Get help and advice from others when needed

Myra Watkins is a missionary, a fisher of men, and the author of the blog Encouraging Thoughts.

by Rice Broocks

Did you ever hear the joke about the Pastor who skipped Church to play golf and made a hole in one? The problem was he couldn’t tell anyone. I felt a little like that yesterday. (Though technically a day off for me) I sat in the stands with 2 of my boys watching the game between the Titans and the Cardinals in the middle of  the section where the coaches wives and families sit.

Let me tell you there are some praying people in that organization.

For those that missed it or are not American football fans, the Titans were losing with about 2 minutes left in the game and had to go the entire length of the field to score and win. They did it in fairly remarkable fashion, winning on the last play of the game.

Flashback to just a few weeks ago. Our team was 0-6. Everyone was speculating about what was wrong with the team. Not only that, they were embarrassed 59-0 in one of the worst losses in professional football history. I interviewed one of the coaches on TBN right after the loss.(http://www.tbn.org/video_portal/  You could hear the resolve in the interview. (click on the icon for October 23rd)

So what are the lessons?

1)   Don’t quit- no matter how difficult the challenge. You do this when you go to work, face the trials of being a husband or mother, stick it out with friends that let you down.

2)   Don’t listen to the crowd. The same ones that boo you will be cheering eventually.

3)   Don’t fear. Whether you win or lose in life or in a game, you can do it without letting fear be a factor.

4)   Don’t forget…Proverbs 11:2 “When pride comes then comes disgrace, but humility comes before honor”

At the end of the game I was greeted by many of the coaches who certainly were aware that the remarkable finish was more than just another game. One coach said, “This happened for a reason”. Everything does.

Rice Broocks is the author of A Minute with Rice and the senior pastor of Bethel World Outreach Center in Brentwood, Tennessee.

by Larry Matsuwaki

Malcolm Gladwell got me thinking from his book “Outliers” after reading what he called the 10,000 hour rule. He mentions a study done in the early 1990’s by psychologist K. Anders Ericsson at Berlin’s elite Academy of Music. He divided the school’s violinists into three groups: 1) Stars (world-class potentials) 2) Good 3) Unlikely to play professionally who intended to be music teachers. All were asked the same question. Since you picked up the violin, how many hours have you practiced? The interesting finding was this. Everyone from all three groups started playing around the same age, about 5 years old. What was the difference? It was the number of hours they practiced. By age 20 the stars had practiced 10,000 hours. The good students had totaled 8,000 hours and the future music teachers had totaled just over 4,000 hours. The interesting thing about Ericsson’s study is that he couldn’t find any naturals, those that effortlessly made it to the top. The thing that distinguished one performer over another was how hard they work. He gave examples of the Beetles, Bill Gates and others who invested a lot of time in practice before they became successful.

Two thoughts stood out to me that I will need to improve. Hard work and practice hours.

Hard work. Thinking about these violin players it must have been hard for these kids to practice instead of playing with their friends. It took discipline to say no and resist. If you really want something bad enough you will work hard at it. This year I set a goal to run my first marathon. When I started running I could barely run 10 minutes before I would need to stop gasping for air. Now 10 months later, I can run almost 3 hours straight. I am amazed at that accomplishment myself but I realize it was because I set a goal and it took a lot of hard work and discipline. Sometimes because of my schedule I would run late at night just to keep to my training plan. If we want to grow in our marriage, relationships with others and especially with God, it will take a lot of hard work! Others may be off at the golf course but you chose to take your wife for a dinner and a movie. Others may be working late but you chose to come home early to have dinner and devotions with your family. There are many things we can do with our time, but choose those things that you want to build that will last! Learn to say no to those things that don’t matter!

Practice Hours. After reading this I started to calculate how many hours I have put into reading and studying God’s word. If I read one hour a day for a year that’s only 365 hours. Ten years would be 3,650 hours. If people can invest time in becoming skilled in their talent, how much more we need to invest in knowing God. It takes time to read, meditate and pray. But it is necessary if we want to grow and succeed in our Christian walk.

I remember one of my coaches said this to me growing up… He said, “Practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes permanent!” We could be spending all our time practicing something in the wrong way that’s not good for us. It has become unknowingly a permanent routine or way of thinking. Many times we practice negative speaking not knowing that, that only tears us down. God’s word helps us practice how to live right. I also had guys to help coach or disciple me to grow in God’s word and help apply it to my life and situation. We must create a lifestyle of continually going to God’s word to learn how to live. Practice reading and living God’s word!

Whether you are at 1 hour or 10,000 hours spending with God.  The main thought I had, is if the world is spending hours to try to succeed in life, what about us with God? Let’s take the time to spend in what really matters. Our relationship with God. Learn to practice and apply his character in our lives.